Crossing Forbidden Lines
by Danamaru
Summary: Mulder and Scully discuss the possibilities of fate - Very late Post Suz/Closure (1/?)


Author: Danamaru  
  
Title: Crossing forbidden lines  
  
Distribution: Sure, but only if my name is left attached,   
and let me know where my baby is!  
  
Rating: PG   
  
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully do not belong to me,   
I'm only borrowing them, don't be greedy Chris, they will   
be returned to you.   
  
Spoilers: Suz, Closure.   
  
Summary: Scully and Mulder discuss the possibilities of fate.   
  
Feedback: Greatly appreciated at Danamaru1@yahoo.co.uk   
Find other stories written by me at my website   
http//www.angelfire.com/hi2/badblood/  
  
  
"What is fate? A simple plan from another world, marked for   
each person in the world to see and to follow. Are we simply  
following someone else's orders for a larger plan? Will anyone   
ever really know? It's the kind of question that can never be  
fully answered, and can never be known for sure, and if it were  
available for everyone to see, would they want to see it?   
Would they want to know their inevitable future, mapped   
out like a novel, knowing where they were going, knowing   
the people they would meet and what they would accomplish?   
To know all this, and to know that you were one of the unfortunate  
human beings that would never live more than a few short years, or   
to know that you were never going to accomplish anything, would   
you want to continue?"  
This is a little unsaid voice over told by me for the   
basis of this story involving Mulder and Scully. It's just some of   
my thoughts on the subject of fate and what I think It means to me.   
I believe in fate, but I think it stems from all the choices that   
we make ourselves. I don't believe that there are any wrong choices  
and that any mistakes we might make are all learning experiences,   
and for us to live and evolve we must make these certain choices,   
otherwise we would all be living in bubbles, never venturing out,   
and inevitably still living like cavemen.   
  
  
Mulder's Apartment - 7.02 pm  
  
Mulder sat and bounced his basketball between his legs,   
listening to the ping it gave as it hit the cold wooden floor.   
How he loved that sound, so relaxing. Repeating the bounce over   
and over without realising it, he felt relaxed, calm and somewhat   
at peace with himself.   
The last few days, he couldn't even really remember, his   
mother's death, his sister, Harold Pillar. He saw so much of   
the old him in Harold Pillar it was like watching himself from   
Scully's body, how frustrating it must have been for her for   
seven years, and yet she stayed by his side the whole time.   
  
As he bounced the ball over and over he thought about what   
would make a person stay with another person for no apparent   
reason and with someone with which they had to constantly   
pick at repeatedly. Why had Scully stayed with him, he had   
always wondered about this, he had never begged her to stay   
on his quest, and had always given her plenty of opportunities to   
step away, get as far away from him as she possibly could.   
But she had written all of that off every time, always bouncing   
back, just like his basketball. She always returned to him.   
Was this his fate and hers, both people having the same fate.   
Was it possible?   
  
As he waited for Scully to arrive, he continued to think   
about his life, and what he had achieved. He came to   
realise that in the past 7 years he had learned and completed   
so much because Scully was there, not to protect him, but   
to keep him going on the straight and narrow. He listened to   
her, trusted her so completely, like no other and whether he   
would ever admit to her or to himself, he truly loved her.   
  
They were in his view, soul mates.   
  
Even if they were soul mates, they kept their distances, never   
venturing out to explore one another's worlds. To them that   
was crossing the line they had drawn so long ago, and if one   
were to cross it, what would become of them. He didn't know   
if he could risk it. Losing Scully would be like losing part   
of himself and at this time in his life he was empty enough.   
  
His mother wasn't like other mothers. She had such a hard life,   
so full of loss herself that she didn't get too close to   
people including her only son. Mulder often wondered why   
she hadn't drawn closer to him after Samantha had been taken.   
It would seem like the natural thing to do. As one child is   
lost you feel you need to protect the one remaining even more.   
  
But she didn't and in some way he felt guilty about that.   
He should have made more of an effort to visit and talk with his   
mother. But the truth was, he had always felt a distance between   
him and her and in all honesty didn't believe that any amount of   
time that he spent with her was going to fill that gap.   
It saddened him to think like that.   
  
He hadn't received comfort from a mothering figure for so   
long that once she was gone, it was like a weight being   
lifted from him, because he didn't have to think about why   
she never called or visited. He loved her with all his heart,   
but he didn't believe in her decisions. She had intentionally   
harmed and deceived him in the past and for that he could never   
forgive her. She had taken her own life, and his mind,   
she deceived him, deprived him of her love and affection and   
without a doubt made him suffer. What kind of mother would do   
this to her son?   
  
He wanted to explain this to Scully but secretly knew that it   
would never be discussed. It was over the line.   
  
She was coming around to go over the report for Skinner   
involving Amber Lyn Lappiere. Mulder had no proof that the   
little girl was dead, nor did he have any proof that she wasn't.   
But as similar circumstances have prevailed, Skinner would sweep   
it under the carpet as gospel.   
  
Mulder wasn't sure if he could trust his superior or not.   
He appeared to be on his side, but Scully was wary, which   
caused him to question his credibility.   
  
****  
As Scully entered Mulder's apartment building, she glanced   
over to the mailboxes. Mulders overflowed, white papers spilled   
over the edges as the metal strained to close into the latch.   
Knowing the cause for this rarity, she continued to the elevator,   
wondering whether to empty his mailbox and take it to him.   
  
Going against the idea with Mulders mail, she hit 4 on the   
elevator and drew in deep breaths trying to prepare herself   
for his apartment.   
  
She knew he was not himself and understandably so, but   
nothing could have prepared her for the state of his apartment.   
As he gestured her to come inside, she unconsciously put her   
fingers to her nose. The stench was undescribably raw. And   
from the state of his kitchen she realised where it was coming   
from.   
  
She was expecting this, Mulder was untidy at the best of times,   
but she did not believe it was possible. He didn't seem to be   
the least bit embarrassed by his apartment or his appearance.   
He was unshaven, his hair was ruffled, clothes were rumpled and   
in dire need of cleaning.   
  
Mulder went to the bathroom while Scully moved sheets of   
newspapers and other various items from the couch and made   
herself comfortable. The smell wasn't so bad in the lounge   
has it had been in the kitchen, and she found herself looking   
towards the window, where they had shared their embrace only   
days before.   
He hadn't said much since her arrival and it made her feel a   
little uneasy.   
  
Family photographs taken years before lay across the coffee table.   
Scully bent forward carefully moving some aside by the edges   
using her careful and skilled hands. As she gently   
moved each one aside a battered piece of shiny paper caught   
her attention. Glancing, afraid to pick it up due to it's fragile   
state, she drew in a deep long breath looking up to see Mulder   
peering over her.   
She jumped slightly, looking at him she calmed herself.   
She felt as if she had just been caught doing something she   
wasn't supposed to.   
"Mulder, I ah, you startled me." She paused as she tried to   
read his emotions. Would he be angry at her for invading   
his things.   
  
He bent down and picked up the fragile photograph, smoothing the   
dog-eared edges out and passed it to Scully.   
"It's the only one I have of my parents together."   
He spoke so softly that Scully had to raise her head to hear   
him as she took the photograph from his hand.   
Looking at it, she recognised Mulders mother and father but   
in their younger years. Turning the photo over a date of 1971   
was written in black ink.   
  
She sighed and moved over as he sat down beside her on the couch.  
"They look good together, happy." She spoke carefully passing the   
photograph back to Mulder.   
  
He leaned his elbows on his knees as he stared at the photograph.   
He turned towards Scully and spoke again in the soft broken   
voice of a man so deeply scarred it almost brought her to tears.   
"It's a photograph Scully, it's a fake, a pose. I don't remember   
my parents ever being really happy. My mother pretended for   
my sake for a while after Samanath was gone but my father wasn't   
the type of man that could hide his feelings". His head went   
unusually low and she could hear him swallow hard, causing his   
adam's apple to bob up and down his gullet.   
  
"I wonder how things might have turned out differently with   
another family, you know, if I had been born to a set of   
traditional parents, where the mum would drive her kids to   
school, pick them up, make them cookies and play with them   
on weekends.   
The father would ah ah"  
His voice was cracking and Scully put a finger to his lips silencing   
him.   
  
She leaned her head towards him and wrapped her arm around his   
shoulders.   
"Mulder, if we all thought about it, I'm sure that it would   
show that there can be no perfect family, and that most   
importantly you can't choose that fate. You're very emotional   
right now, and I understand how you're feeling." She rubbed his   
shoulders as she spoke and he rose his head to her level.   
  
"What If you could choose Scully, would you opt for the perfect   
traditional family or would you pick one like mine, full of   
conspiracies and deceit?" He laughed softly as her face softened   
into a sympathetic smile.   
  
It wasn't a question and Scully didn't answer him. His eyes   
tugged back fatigue and she knew they wouldn't be doing any   
paperwork. He needed her as a friend, and she would be there for   
as long as he needed her, just like the other night when he had   
refused to believe that his mother would take her own life.   
She cradled him like the other night for a long time until her   
back was aching so much that she had to straighten up, waking   
him from his slumber state.   
  
"Sorry Scully." He apologised before leaning back on the couch   
leaving her body cold from the withdrawal.   
  
"You need to get some sleep, Mulder. It's getting late."   
Glancing at her watch she finished her sentence.   
"We can finish this paperwork later."   
She rose to get up and a strong hand grabbed her wrist,   
looking down, Mulder's face was rigid and tight from frowning   
with fatigue.   
  
"You have to go so soon, Scully?" He tugged her back to her   
sitting position and she knew that she would give in to his   
propositions that would ultimately lead her to spending the   
night again in Mulder's apartment. Not that she didn't want   
to, she trusted him knowing that he was hurt and emotional.   
Mulder was a sensitive man, more sensitive now than ever and she   
wanted to be his shoulder to cry on, she wanted to take away his   
pain.  
  
Trying to take away his pain four nights previously had ended   
in an affair that none of them had again mentioned.   
It was over the line, and was one of many things that would never   
again be discussed.   
The near kiss in his hallway a couple of years ago was still to be   
discussed as was his New Year surprise, but it just never came up   
in conversation. He just knew that if it were brought up, she   
would shoot him down. Scully tended to shut off her emotions   
and forget to turn them back on when he needed her to.   
But that night in his emotional state as they hugged and cried   
softly together, something was turned back on. Much to his   
surprise, Scully had kissed him, not just a miss-calculated   
forehead whopper, this was a full and passionate kiss from his   
usually cool and level headed partner.   
Surprised at first he was unaware that he wasn't kissing her back.   
She jerked back closing her eyes and looking away from him.   
  
As the realisation of what had just happened to him sunk in,   
he tilted her head towards him, wiping away her tears gently   
with his thumbs, leaning in closer to cover her mouth returning   
the gesture. Holding her there for a long moment he withdrew his   
lips and hers lingered on his bottom pout for a second longer   
before being withdrawn and hidden from his view with   
locks of short red-gold hair that had fallen out of his hands.   
  
Mulder desperately wanted to talk to her about it, but knew   
that she would clam up and leave, and he didn't want her to go.   
He wondered if she thought that he regret what took place and   
he wanted to tell her that he didn't and that the main reason   
for making her stay is in the hope that maybe she didn't regret it   
either.   
  
Will Mulder have enough courage to bring up the unspoken   
subjects to Scully? Stay tuned for the next episode - coming   
soon to a PC screen near you.   
  
This is a WIP and I am still currently working on a second part,   
hopefully within the next few days of this posting there will be   
a finale.   
  
Please please tell me what you think of this part -   
it will help a lot. Send me feedback at Danamaru1@yahoo.co.uk  
  



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